Self Defense from Dogs
The Church of Antimuttology
August 29, 2012
The official stance of the Church of Antimuttology is that humans have a greater right to life than dogs. There is nothing debatable about this position. If there is a situation where human life is threatened by dogs, then it is the spiritual right of every human to defend his/her life and the life of their fellow humans.
Human beings are that of favor and Light. With rights and responsibilities beyond that of other earthly creations, humans have the right to feel happy and secure and not in fear of life or freedom.
As soon as a human being feels the slightest inkling of fear, worry, panic, or dread then that human has the right to seek balance and adjust its environment to restore the peace. This is a fundamental right that may not be infringed upon or rescinded by anyone. To deny such a fundamental right would be a condemnation to a life of misery and imprisonment.
Dogs urinate anywhere they please and roam freely. So why can't human beings roam freely without the encumbrances of dog attacks?
Maybe you are a very masculine man and you don't see the potential dangers of dogs. Imagine for a moment that your mother or sister or Aunt, or grandmother or child is walking outside and she encounters a vicious dog that wants to end her life. It goes without saying that you would have no difficulty deciding what to do in that scenario. Similarly, we must take a proactive approach to self defense.
Human beings are that of favor and Light. With rights and responsibilities beyond that of other earthly creations, humans have the right to feel happy and secure and not in fear of life or freedom.
As soon as a human being feels the slightest inkling of fear, worry, panic, or dread then that human has the right to seek balance and adjust its environment to restore the peace. This is a fundamental right that may not be infringed upon or rescinded by anyone. To deny such a fundamental right would be a condemnation to a life of misery and imprisonment.
Dogs urinate anywhere they please and roam freely. So why can't human beings roam freely without the encumbrances of dog attacks?
Maybe you are a very masculine man and you don't see the potential dangers of dogs. Imagine for a moment that your mother or sister or Aunt, or grandmother or child is walking outside and she encounters a vicious dog that wants to end her life. It goes without saying that you would have no difficulty deciding what to do in that scenario. Similarly, we must take a proactive approach to self defense.
By Self Defense we mean that you are entitled to defend every single cell of your physical body by whatever means is necessary to do so. Nobody should ever suffer loss of life or limb because a stupid and ferocious animal has a territorial issue or a psychological/chemical imbalance.
Many municipalities have dog catchers/animal control agencies and we applaud such efforts to safeguard the general human population. However, this is not enough in itself. These same agencies are aware of this problem and this is exactly why they utilize euthanization. Unless the dog population decreases, whether naturally or by human intervention, the risk of dog attacks will increase in like proportion. Spaying and neutering human owned dogs is a thoughtful gesture, but that only helps to control the population of commercially-bred dogs. Such custom-designed dogs may have been bred to have a specifically mild temperament or may be of great monetary value; which may deter the dog owners from ever releasing these dogs into the streets. Most likely, these types of dogs will sleep at the foot of the bed of its owner- indoors until the day it dies- and then the owner will stuff it and keep it on the mantle over the fireplace.
The fact is that most people who have "lower grade" dogs do not want to or cannot afford to have their dog spayed/neutered and it is these types of dogs that find themselves wandering the city streets. In fact, it is these half-trained dogs that can be the most dangerous, according to most self defense and dog training experts. Dogs that are trained to attack, but not trained enough to obey verbal commands to stop are nothing more than furry killing machines.
The main point remains the same, to keep the dog as far away from you as possible. However, since the dog is refusing to segregate itself from you then you must engage the animal directly in order to restore the state of segregation. In this case, we are speaking of a permanent segregation. Depending on the situation, your physical strength and adrenaline may be enough to end the life of the attacker or maybe you will have tools that will assist you.
Many municipalities have dog catchers/animal control agencies and we applaud such efforts to safeguard the general human population. However, this is not enough in itself. These same agencies are aware of this problem and this is exactly why they utilize euthanization. Unless the dog population decreases, whether naturally or by human intervention, the risk of dog attacks will increase in like proportion. Spaying and neutering human owned dogs is a thoughtful gesture, but that only helps to control the population of commercially-bred dogs. Such custom-designed dogs may have been bred to have a specifically mild temperament or may be of great monetary value; which may deter the dog owners from ever releasing these dogs into the streets. Most likely, these types of dogs will sleep at the foot of the bed of its owner- indoors until the day it dies- and then the owner will stuff it and keep it on the mantle over the fireplace.
The fact is that most people who have "lower grade" dogs do not want to or cannot afford to have their dog spayed/neutered and it is these types of dogs that find themselves wandering the city streets. In fact, it is these half-trained dogs that can be the most dangerous, according to most self defense and dog training experts. Dogs that are trained to attack, but not trained enough to obey verbal commands to stop are nothing more than furry killing machines.
What does the Church recommend?
Our recommendation is a two tier plan of action. Proactive preparation is required in the event that first tier Self Defense is ineffective.
First Tier: Segregation
The main point is to remember to do whatever necessary to keep dogs away from you as far as possible. Not everyone can be Rambo and wrestle a dog in a death-roll. Some of the simplest methods are the least aggressive and require the least amounts of thinking or physical strength.
If the first tier fails, then you must deploy second tier tactics. The main point is to remember to do whatever necessary to keep dogs away from you as far as possible. Not everyone can be Rambo and wrestle a dog in a death-roll. Some of the simplest methods are the least aggressive and require the least amounts of thinking or physical strength.
- Using sonic devices that create an uncomfortable shield of distance between yourself and the dog is by far one of the best ways to keep a dog segregated.
- Another tool is to keep mace/pepper spray handy to spray at the dog's face. Sometimes, even if you fail to spray the dog's eyes the dog may will segregate itself and flee because it could smell the contents of the warning shot.
- Lastly, and this works about 75% of the time with stray dogs, you can try to let your adrenaline guide you. Go crazy and scream and be sure to waive your arms around like a Muppet, hopped-up on drugs. Most dogs will flee.
Second Tier: Eradication
The main point remains the same, to keep the dog as far away from you as possible. However, since the dog is refusing to segregate itself from you then you must engage the animal directly in order to restore the state of segregation. In this case, we are speaking of a permanent segregation. Depending on the situation, your physical strength and adrenaline may be enough to end the life of the attacker or maybe you will have tools that will assist you.
- Dogs do not have hands and fingers. Get control of its head. You can offer your arm and let them latch on. As soon as it does, drop on top of the animal and gouge both of its eyes out. If you fail to do this then the dog will try to kill you as soon as you release it. Never release a dog unless it is totally blind. You can use your fingers or thumb to dislodge the eyes or you can use a pocketknife or stick. Use anything around you and scream for help the entire time. As soon as it is blind then you can release it and run away.
- Buy a handgun and become comfortable with moving targets. This is by far one of the most effective tools available. Even if you miss, the explosion of the gun or the ricochet of the bullet is enough to stun a dog or make it flee.
- Speak loudly and carry a big stick. If you cannot get or do not want a handgun, then a sturdy baton may be enough to crack open the skull of any dog. Remember that smashing its nose inward will only make it more ferocious. Be sure to aim for the teeth/lower jaw and/or the skullcap. A dog with no teeth cannot bite you and a dog with no brains cannot advance to attack you. Be sure to yell and scream so other people will come to help you or at least notify police.
- Taser Wands and Stun Guns. These can be effective and can either cause the dog to lose consciousness or stop its heart, especially if you use a model that is at least 4 million volts or greater.
